If Life Had an Undo Button...

DEFINITIONS:
Undo is a command in many computer programs.
 It erases the last change done to the document reverting it to an older state.

Life is a gift that one receives from God(Nature) without making any efforts for it. 

PS: Hence majority of us take it for granted.

Since I've introduced both the main aspects of the title, I guess its the right time to start.

We are living in that age of the world which is totally dominated by TTs . Either technology's T or terrorism's T. No matter how hard you try, you will always go round and round in this square of T.

We are so used to these two Ts that wherever we are we find both of them. Technology is in everyone and terrorism is in some of us(even if we have we don't portray it openly, we dream about killing someone,robbing a bank or something or the other. We stay happy in our imaginations and carry on with our lives.  Those who take it seriously get famous world wide and finally Enjoy five-star treatment First in the Bars and gradually Behind them).

Most of us have succeeded to get over the second T. But all of us are addicted to the First one (there are many people who say they are not by just not using a cell-phone or any electronic gadget, but I'd like to tell them that the pen which they are using is a part of mechanical and fluid technology, the glasses they are wearing is again a technology and the list goes on and on. ) So basically if You are alive now, you can't escape technology.(for that matter Even after you die today ,your body will be put in a furnace, which again is a part of Technology.)

Today even a 5 year old has a Facebook account and he wishes to have likes on his picture with a caption "My first Day to School."

Being a part of the same world, even I use a phone, a tab, a laptop, an i-pod etc. We find an Undo button in almost every program. If not that there are two buttons on our key-board which are totally dedicated towards correcting our mistakes.

Almost every day there is a pop up in my brain "what If I had a button to undo this or undo that. Or at least a rewind button which takes life just a minute back so that I can change this"(I'd still have my laptop with me).

I am not the only one who thinks so. I know each and every person on this planet thinks about this. How am I so sure???  Why would we tolerate 6 Films every year with The word time machine in it?? Recent Example  Man in Black.

So since we have an Undo Button everywhere on every gadget we use, we are used to make mistakes and erasing them using it. Why there can't be an undo button for or actual personal and professional life. Why is it that once we make a mistake, we have to either pay for it (in the form of punishment or cash) or we try and mend it. But even after correcting it the impact caused by its previous version never fades completely.

If life had an Undo Button books like " 3 Mistakes of my Life" had never been written. Or for that matter no book had been written. Because Mistakes create Situations and twists and that is what is compulsory to form a story. If there is no story there is no book there is no cinema. So books and cinema are out. 

Every teacher has a common dialogue " Learn from your mistakes." They always taught us this since grade One.

The scope of learning from our mistakes would vanish. We would get habituated to make mistakes because we know we have an  Undo button. We'll take our life lightly then because we wont be scared of making mistakes, which would be a disaster in the making.

Errors and mistakes are the first step towards great inspirations. So there wont be any great men any more.

Like every coin even this has two phases. There are many times I think life should have an Undo button, because great losses are a result of carelessness of just a moment or a fraction of a second. Sometimes its just the weakness of mind which takes us to a wrong direction and hence we commit Mistakes which can't be repaired ever.

Even I have learnt from those mistakes and have come up as a person that I am now.  

Better we don't have an Undo button or may be we should have it.

Lets toss the same coin and decide.  


Image Source : Google (Internet)

just before i was giving up

19/07/2011 00:37 i got a phone call from my childhood mate bunty

he sounded normal to me. i was organizing my cupboard at my hostel. we conversed for 5mins and then he suddenly told me "please shave sadhu, this is not the time to take such risks please i'm getting scared to read all this, why you want to go through all this ?? please remove it for my sake

what else you want to experience?? you were caught for almost an hour...ab kya jail jaake akal thikane aayegi??"

then i realized what was the exact point of calling me at such an odd hour

" dekh maine isiliye ye time pe phone kiya, kyuki mujhe maaloom hai ki jab main din mein phone karta hu tab tu bohot busy hota hai meri baaton pe dhyan nahin deta..abhi agar tu nahin maana to main tere papa ko phone karunga....kyu abhi aisa kar raha hai ye time sahi nahin hai.....kabhi aur karna yeh masti....mere baap"

i was smiling coz i was habituated to all this....10 times in a day i heard this ...from someone or the other.....and he said he'll call my dad...my dad was already fed up of explaining me.....

i was smiling ..thoughts were on in my mind.....my mind fluctuated...i thought i'm scaring a lot of people ..that includes almost all my family and friends.....the rock solid decision of mine started to melt due to the emotional acid rain....

" Acha theek hai, shave karta hoon abhi ...ye kaam khatam hone ke baad ..waise bhi daadi mein khujli chaalu ho gayi hai...chal maanta hoon teri baat...karta hoon sone ke pehle..theek hai?? abhi tum log shaant ho jao "

"haan wo face ki khujli ke saath saath jo tere andar khujli hai na wo bhi khatam kar..bus ho gaya

chal meri tension khatam ...ab sota hu main ...bye"

i was pretty convinced..ya and i kept my shaving kit on the table and decided to shave before going to sleep

but i thank neha to call me....5 mins after bunty kept the phone...we talked for 37 mins...and i was tired now...i went to sleep...

woke up in the morning....was late for college...

shaving kit was then placed in the cupboard.....and was never given a chance to come out till this morning....

20/07/2011 07:30 my brother ritwik woke me up.....he came back from nadiad..his home-town....and i'm thankful to the YMCA ..that they gave his bed to a foreigner...because he was out for a long vacation....if that wouldn't have happened, he would've never come to bother me early in the morning,coz he knew i sleep late....

i slept at 4 in the morning..he woke me up at 7.30

" abey saale abhi tak wohi look hai ! shave kyu nahin kiya ab tak???"

these were the first words he greeted me with..no hello nothing....

i was in half sleep that time....but..his words reminded me calls of so many scared people around me...including him...

again my shaving kit got an opportunity to come out of the cupboard.

my college starts at 11, i comfortably had 3 hours to complete my daily courses and then shave..

Washer-man visits YMCA at 7.30 . i generally don't get the privilege to meet him coz he is there from 7.30 - 9.30 and that is the time when i'm deep asleep

thanks to my brother again...i had hoards of clothes to collect from him...the clothes were with him since days now ..may be 3 days...

i went down...

"102..18 kapde"

he counted the clothes and gave it to me

"kitna??"

" aanth bada kapda chaalis dus chhota kapda tees ..total sattar "

when i took out the notes...and gave it to me...'

" abey account bana le na! " ritwik said

" maine 3 din pehle in se puchha ki payment kaisa?? bola cash"

" arey abhi bata na tu mera bhai hai " ritwik shrugged

" aap bhai ho inke???? real? "

"nahin, cousin i said"

"kya naam hai aapka??" shailender(the washer-man) asked

"trilok"

"kya baat hai...aayiye account banate hai...sunday-sunday payment....chalega?"

i nodded....in my mind i thought....Rikku ka itna rubaab...don won toh nahin hai na yahan ka

lagta to nahin hai....

Ritwik is a average looking sweet boy...no one will say he is a TY engineering student...he looks like he is in 12th standard

while i was engrossed in these thoughts ...shailender stroke the bulls-eye

" trilok bhai sach batau??? mujhe laga ki aap musalmaan ho...aapki daadi dekhi ..aur phir aapne ye kurta pyjama diya tha...mujhe toh laga ki aap un logon mein se ho....par ab dekho...aapna naam pata chala to TRILOK seedha Shivji ka naam....aayiye sir ...."

you guessed it right...i enquired in the hostel and only i didn't have an account with shailender..

the shaving kit went back again in its calm darkness contrast to my triggered mind and its thoughts

so just before i was giving up..........i got reasons to stay back...............

it took 45mins for them to realize that I'm not a terrorist

being a premature baby, my lungs have always been weak.....coughing and i share a very intimate relationship since my birth





but never in my life....i thought it'd teach me a lesson ...such lesson..hah!





10:30 am dadar station(w) :::


it was raining today..i was planning to go to thane to meet my mom


who was about to leave for Ajmer tonight


yesterday was tiring..a friend of mine injured her leg and sprained it


i was with her at Hinduja hospital and then her place at night





i left her place and was rushing to dadar station


i was coughing as usual...all wet after geting down from the cab


i was walking at the nakshatra mall lane


when i sensed that someone is following me





i coughed and spat the cough when was outside the ticket counter.


a cop held me by my collar, and said "tum saale logon ne mumbai mein kachra karke rakha hai!! chal chowki mein!"


i was happy to know that mumbai mahanagar palika is so keen to clean.


i smiled and said sorry.





he asked me to pay 200/- fine


i knew i cudnt afford it then but still i knew it was my mistake and my hand reached my wallet automatically





but suddenly when i looked around, i saw n number of people spitting on the road , throwing cigarette butts(filters) etc infront of the clean-up mumbai people..


my hand stopped...i realized....why i was targetted


i realized my look made me the target





and now i got what he meant by saying " tum saale logon ne kachra karke rakha hai"
and what exactly was the clean-up for

i smiled, coz i knew this is coming....
i told him "sir....i cant afford it"
he said"kya??"
i said " sir main nahin de sakta 200 rupaye"

"purse check karu kya???"

" sahab main ye nahin keh raha hu ki mere paas paise nahin hai..main keh raha hu ki main paise nahin de sakta...main student hoon..hostel mein rehta hoon..mere khane peene ke vaande ho jayenge"

i knew i exaggerated...yeah i did...but i wanted to know what this man is up to...
i asked him, what if i cant pay the fine???
he said that if i cant pay the fine ....i m supposed to do community service for an hour

i agreed ...time was running..i gave it a try ,,"sahab..pacchas chalega kya?"
he said .." 199 mein bhi nahin chhodunga"
i said " theek hai ...main community service karne ke liye taiyar hoon"

he asked me to wait
i told him " aapne bola ki ruko ghadi lagao aur ek ghanta jhaadu maarna padega...sir time toh chaalu ho gaya hai"
he asked me to wait...
i obeyed...after 10 mins
a cop passed by saying " isko chowki leke jaana hai"
i smiled again....i went to the guy i was talking to....."sir ..abhi mujhe kahin bhejne ka plan hai kya"
"arrey nahin re...jo ulta baat karta hai aur fine nahin bharta hai...usko chowki mein daalte hai"
"sir...lekin main toh ek baar bhi kuch bola nahin...community service karne ke liye bhi ready hu ..ab aap hi jhaadu nahin de rahe ho"

he shrugged...neha called me
while i was talking to her...he said " pacchhhass de ..mokla kar"

i said" sahab..jab bol raha tha 50 mein chhod do...tab aap keh rahe the ki 199 mein bhi nahin jaane dunga...ab aadha ghanta rukane ke baad main fine kyu bharu?...do main service karne ke liye taiyaar hu"

he took me to the pan shop nearby
it was raining...he asked me to collect all the filters scattered there and to pick it up and throw in the dust-bin
he said " jhaadu nahin milega ..haath se kar..."

i smiled and started doing what he said...did it for 15 mins

he called me...and said " kachra failana band karo tum log mumbai mein....ja ab"


i didnt feel bad to do community service....but a question popped....why me? why today? why it never happened earlier when i threw chewing gums on the streets....why only me??"

there was only one answer
IT TOOK 45 minutes for them to realize that i'm not a terrorist.......

the pledge

the day began normally......it was 15th of july

i woke up rubbing my eyes to see my mom n dad who came from my home town for my sister's admissions

my sister was asleep..smiling face

i had terrible dreams. i was experiencing such dreams since quite a few days now

so it was not that trembling for me.

i got habituated to those nightmares now.

washed my face,greeted the almighty and my parents.

everything was going good until i took the razor and was about to shave my moustache

it was for my play i was supposed to be an Afghani, a citizen of Kabul

my dad said "beta razor le jao aur play ke kuch der pehle aap wo kar sakte ho..time acha nahin chal raha hai

aur please play ke turant baad shave off ur beard too..."

i laughed... i told my dad this is mumbai....

i shaved my moustache and headed off for the rehearsals just before the performance

it was just 5mins i was out of my house and i met my driver outside the gate

sandesh, a maharashtran from kalyan

he greeted me " chin2 bhai parso safe pohuch gaye the na ? sahab bola bohot ghoom ghoom ke gaye hostel? marine drive par baithna pada bataya sahab?"

i stay at an hostel at lamington road

the blasts that blowed mumbai off happened at a walking distance from both my college and hostel.

i said im fine sab theek hua

i went and stood in the Que at our society's junction for the vehicle which drops us at thane station

sandesh came back to me and said "chin2 bhai abhi aisa daadi nahin rakhne ka police waala pakdega"

still i was at ease

THANE STATION: it was around 9Am i got those stares

everyone looked at me twice and when it was the second time the eyes scanned me from the end of my hair to the tip of my toe

how much ever crowded thane is

no one ever pushed me

but today they did.......

FOR THE FIRST TIME MUMBAI MADE ME FEEL BAD

shivers ran down my spine

i was forced to look down n walk

i took a fast train too dadar

throughout the journey i was thinking ...

suddenly i saw a man yelling at me

"aye ..bag haath mein le...yahan aadmi ko khade rehne ki jagah nahin hai saale bag ko aadmi ki jagah dete hai"

i was drowned in my thoughts didn't get him

i said " kya?"

" aye mulle sunai nahin deta kya??

bag haath mein le"

i said " kaise?"

" do haaath nahin diye kya 'tere bhagwan' ne tujhe? chal hata bag

i kept mum

i changed my train at dadar and went to my college

my team was practicing

i joined them

we were all set for the play..but the thinking process in my brain was bombarding me...though i was engrossed in the enthusiasm of the inter collegiate festival at wilson college

i forgot whatever happened in the morning.

suddenly i got a sms from aalisha my friend

"good morning ! all the best for your performance and please do as i said ok tc"

initially i just read the text normally and kept my cell in my pocket

i changed my clothes and i applied the kajal in my eyes and while i was looking in the mirror at myself it just flashed what aalisha was talking about

last night when i was chatting with her, i told her m gonna shave my moustache tomorrow for the play

she messaged "please dont take risk

they might check u"

a tear rolled down my eyes

again the bombarding started in my brain

we were the next to perform

one of my team mates mayank said "trilok ! ghar jaane se pehle ye daadi shave kar dena aur ye kajal bhi hata dena

aatankwadi samajhke andar kar denge"

i felt like slapping him but i didn't

the play was good

our lead rashi rocked it

we were out everyone was going home

before i left thane in the morning i carried my razor to shave my beard after the play

but now something stopped me

i didnt even remove that kajal i walked back to my hostel from charni road

and i felt how my BROTHERS feel

it was sad ..even a kid in the cab gave me those piercing stares.

its been a month now i've shifted to YMCA and today for the first time they checked my id when i entered they checked my bag

the same uncle "mama" we called him ..i greet him everyday

he was not letting me go to my room

when i entered my room mate said " fuck!!!!! dude are you serious???? get off this attire

nahin toh tere saath hum bhi phas jayenge"

im not asking you to pardon my language coz that is exactly what i faced and what my brothers face since years

i have decided to stay in this look to feel the pain .the pain my brothers face.

they think their eyes scared me

no!!!! they are wrong.....their eyes gave me the strength to live it

MUMBAI made me feel bad for the first time in last 3 years

but how bad my brothers feel everyday?? i cant even imagine it

its high time we RECALL our PLEDGE

the pledge we found on the first page of our school text books

ALL INDIANS ARE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS

luck by chance destiny by choice .......

sorry guys for posting after so many days

and extremely sorry chin2 that i made you halt in such a bad condition for so long......

bang bang bang!!!!!!!

mummy and the voices from his voice are not waiting for his brain to think of a way out of this

he is now getting extremely scared

but ...chin2 never accepts defeat

he still thinks he'll get out of this

he closes his eyes for 10 seconds

opens the door and rushes to the loo "mumma bohot kharab haalat hai..........." slam!!! the toilet is shut

chin2 now experiences a great relief from both his mental and biological pressure

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! whistles out of relief

takes out the disc from his shirt and hides it between the gap of the flush tank and gets out of the washroom.

wet with sweat....but a naughty victorious smile on his face

"Chalo mumma khana lagao bohot bhookh lagi hai

thak bhi gaya hoon aaj"

doesn't leave any chance for mumma to ask .........

bravo!!! he has got guts.....

if i was at his place i would have flushed the disc to get rid off this tension

but our champ still wants to watch what he has never got to

even if its illegal he has decided to do it

whatever it takes ....

keep reading!!

thank you

teddy is worried...

next day

1 msg recieved- good morning teddy!!

sending msg- where the hell were you??? do u hav an idea how tensed i was last nite u idiot!!!

1 msg recieved- y

sending msg- dont behave as if u dnt knw anything!!!!! hows the situation at ur place??

parents k sath kya hua??

1 msg recieved- everythings fine

they said they understand they'll try giving me my space n freedom

thank you teddy

sending msg -pheeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!! gudnyt

m nt cuming to colg today

1 msg recieved-bt y?? whats wrong???

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zzzz

teddy bear bears a lot

teddy is worried
lets see why??.......








21st august
Saturday
00:20
Mumbai

"THE LONGEST NIGHT"

sitting with a pen in hand i started to write with a thought in mind "how should i describe what is happening to me?? what is inside me? what is wrong ? why ain't i smiling ? why ain't i crying? what is the matter?? is it guilt? is it confusion?? is it a masked happiness?? why cant i figure out?? "
i am trying hard to find this out since 22:00. and finally while writing this there is a click in my mind that its confused happiness with blurred guilt and 3 tea spoons of helplessness 3 full bloody spoons!!!
it is called helplessness caused due to restriction & communication-gap
i have been feeling uneasy since her last few sms's and six calls which i missed
i am extremely selfish....................

the day began fresh and was slightly out of schedule when teddy got started for his well planned Sunday . teddy basically thinks that sundays are meant for fun,leisure and loads of sleep...but.. things seem to be changing after he met DOLLY....he planned for the whole day and decided to work and is making this day a productive working day....

DOLLY is a young chubby beautiful girl.dolly is gifted with an amazing smile, attractive cheeks adorned with her easily visible cheek bones which makes her smile even more attractive ...she has one more thing which drives teddy crazy..
her eyes!!!!!!! dolly helps teddy with his mathematics.....

teddy and dolly belong to the same age group,hence they get along very well. teddy is a kind of student who doesn't reveal his weaknesses easily until he is not familiar to the person.but teddy easily accepts his weaknesses in front of dolly and waits for his favorite teacher to rectify him.

dolly is very patent unlike Teddy's other teachers who take swift drives at the books just to complete the syllabus as soon as possible. they are professionals and they cant or rather its impossible for them to attend each and every student- on a bench of 4 students-30 such benches in a class-8 such batches-in 10 different areas of a crowded city like mumbai going on non stop

hence when teddy realized that a below average student like him cant cope-up or gain anything from these professional coaching classes ..he decided to study on his own.
he left the coaching classes after semester 1 . he told his parents about this and assured them that if he will face any problem in his subjects he'll clear it with the help of his friends and his elder brothers ...parents agreed
teddy took his decision but.. that was the last time he was serious about it . he was never working for it...days passed by doing nothing .the time was already passing swiftly and he should've already started studying...he had to study 11 subjects ..when it was too late he found no way out to solve this rubix cube with 12 blocks 11 subjects+1 his mind

suddenly dolly came in his life, counseled him nicely and they decided to work it out and give their best the major problem is mathematics ....confidence is the only key ....dolly took the responsibility of maths ..
.
22 days were left for the examination
both of them sat for hour sand prepared thoroughly..off course the time left was very less but they tried their best
results were negative teddy cleared just 3 out of 12 papers at the end of the year.
dolly broke down as she felt she failed in what she promised teddy ...he couldn't clear maths 1
but teddy, even today is thankful to her that she threatened the fear of maths in teddy's mind./.....and now there was no fear of maths

they gave it one more try and they are still trying.. dolly had a hectic schedule with her college as well as projects etc. still she manages to give nine hours a week to teddy for his subjects .. they are good friends now... they hang out together after the study hours they share their problems with each other family problems etc. both are immensely concerned about each other

as the time passed teddy discovered that dolly is not happy in her personal life. she doesnt get proper space & freedom from her parents...she is taking all this since her childhood but now this is affecting her even more since she is a grown up girl now but still cant spend time with her friends, cant have fun with them.. every time she goes out with friends she doesnt inform her aprents and she is always worried that what will happen if her parent scome to know about all this ..she often told this to teddy that her parent are barrow minded and cant be molded

thing shave started bursting in teddy's mind and he was not able to see dolly in such an bad condition anymore.....he decided that he will take out her best friend out of all this and the only solution to this was that dolly talks to her parents openly about this.... he sits and discusses everything with her and takes a promise that today when she goes home she will have to talk to her parents because talking and sorting everything is the only solution she is scared but promises

on his way back home teddy is terribly tensed as to what is going to happen at dolly's place
his fingers are crossed he is praying for dolly
dolly calls him before entering her house

all the best



after an hour she calls him again "EVERYTHING IS FINE,DON'T WORRY"

thank you so much for your care and support

this relieved teddy ..the above phone call was made at 21:22:36
the next moment when he kept the phone , he switched his phone off and went for movie with his family.......

the show was off at 22:40 & that was the time when earth slipped away from under his legs
6 missed calls
view
dolly
3 msgs recieved

3-m switching off
2- teddy !! u der ??
1- i need you



after the messages teddy's heart sank and he realized that his friend blindly trusted him after the words
"GO FOR IT M DER WITH YOU"

..............................and where was i when she needed me???...so much that the repeated calls were made..i was enjoying a movie with my family like a trust broker bastard ..now her phone is switched off:( i cant call her to ask whats the matter exactly what happened?? cant even msg her to say sorry & to assure her again that i am there for her .....coz her narrow minded parents will object my msgs at such an odd time


the only thing i can do is

WAIT>........
till the time i meet her next


so i'll have to breathe these crucial hours by killing them anyhow....


i don't have any choice
the helplessness is just a punishment for my carelessness & ignorance



I AM SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hence proved


- teddy