Lockdown Conversations : Stupid Me!

Kisi ne socha hai ki gaanv ke logon ki sheher mein aake band kyun bajti hai ?

Aye! Aisa nahin hai

Gaanv se sheher aake bohot saare logon ne apne sapne sachch kiye hain 

And History is proof.. Many legends from small towns have captured and ruled the world

Arey! Haan bhai! Maine kab mana kiya?

Successful aur smart logon ki kahaniyan toh sabne suni hai 

Isiliye toh main unpe thoda focus kar raha hoon jinki sheher aake band baji hai 

Having said that

Aisa zaroori nahin hai ki jo small towners aaj legends hain 

Unki band koi na koi level pe nahin baji hogi 

Anyway, the point is 

Main small town se hoon aur meri kaafi band baji hai 

Kyun baji hai ?

There is only one reason to that 

Reason hain  Justification nahin hai okay?

The soul reason for meri lagna ya bajna is that

I am damn stupid

Am or Was?

Kahaaniyan toh "Was" waali hai but that doesn't mean ki usmein "Am" ka scope nahin hain

Kisi ne apne aas paas ya apne doston mein ye notice kiya hai ki small town se aaye hue ka sheher mein kitna kachra hota hai ?

Kachra matlab?

Kachra matlab aise incidences jahan pe hum unko " Abey gaanv se aaya hai kya/alibaug se aaya hai kya?" Ye bolke chidhate hain.

Hmm

Relationships workout na Hona

Random Breakups hona

Raston par Jhagde hona

Kabhi socha hai aisa kyun hota hai?

Mere hisaab se maine is baare mein pata lagaya hain 

Isiliye main aapko clearly batata hoon ki aisa kyun hota hai 

No offense to anyone 

But I am sure aap logon ne bhi aisi dardnaak ghatnayein apne aas paas notice ki hogi

Ek ladka hai jo chote sheher se bade sheher mein achanak aa jaata hai

From a small town to a metro city

Ab wo ladka ek aise school aur junior college mein padha hai jahan agar galti se bhi kisi ladki ne usey dekh ke muskura diya toh puri class ko khabar ho jaati thi. Jahan agar kisi ladki ne us se notes ke liye kitaab maang li toh staff room mein khabar phail jaati thi. Jahan agar uski desk partner koi khoobsurat ladki ban jaati thi toh class ki dusri saari benches pe

 "Ladka" 💘 " Ladki" ke chitron ki engraving ho jaati thi. Jahan agar wo ladki us ke saath tiffin share kar le toh Saturday ki parents teacher meeting mein wo issue prime level pe discuss hota tha. Jahan wo ladka apni khatara cycle pe us ladki ke peechey jaane ki taiyari mein ho aur uski cycle ki chain gir jaye aur kahin se wo ladki apni Scooty Pep rok ke uski madad karne ki koshish kare toh khabar purey sheher mein phail jaati thi.

Jahan hello karte waqt sirf ungliyon ki tip nahin hatheli bhi touch ho jaaye toh it was Talk of the town.

Aisi jagah aur past se aaya hua ladka jab Bombay ke Bandra ilaake ke top college  mein admission leke padhne aa jaye. Toh sochiye usko apni purani zindagi kitna bada dhokha lagegi.

Ye ladka roz subha local train ke dhakke khake apne Engineering college mein kadam rakhta hai aur usko chaaron ore pariyan dikhti hain. Wo Zakir bhai ne khoob kaha hai. Boys school ke laundon ko pata hoga, ki ladkiyon mein ek khushboo hoti hai. Yahan sirf khushboo hi nahin thi balki ye ladka perfume ke mall mein entry maar chuka tha. Ab aise mein isko ek hafta lag gaya is asliyat ke mahol se face to face hone mein aur apne hosh sambhaalne mein. 

Ab jab wo jaan chuka ki ye sab asli hai aur agley chaar saal tak yahi uski zindagi hai toh wo thoda next step ki taraf badha. Usne ye discover kiya ki chappal aur shorts pehenna gareebi nahin hoti. Chappal aur shorts mein ghoomna ulta coolness aur ameeri ki nishaani hai.

Aisi kai aur cheezein usne discover ki. Haalaki wo apna kapde pehenne ka dhang aur style nahin badal paya. Shorts aur Chappal ko usne logic se tackle kiya.

Kaunsa logic?

Simple logic ki wo roz subha 2 ghante local train mein travel karta hai, jismein bheed hoti hai. Chappal pehenega toh uske pairon ki ungliyon ka kachumbar ban jayega, plus Bombay mein July mahiney mein kaafi baarish ka mahol hota hai. Aisi baarish usne life mein kabhi face nahin ki thi. Toh Shoes pehenne ka ek aur reason usko mil gaya. 

Aur Shorts ka kya?

Hmm. Shorts ka actual reason tha ki uske ghar mein " Shorts pehen ke bahar sabzi wale tak hi jaa sakte hain college nahin " aisi parampara thi. Wo ek aise ghar mein rehta tha jahan ladke sar mein tel lagatey the, shirt ko in karte the aur belt bhi pehente the aur shoes ke bina ghar ke bahar kadam nahin rakhte the. Toh us hissaab se ye apne aap ko already ghar ka sab se cool aur stylish banda maanta tha . Shorts se isko waise hi kaafi allergy thi kyunki iski taango pe Anil Kapoor type ke baal the. Un baalon ki numaayish karne ki iski koi iccha nahin thi. Par public front pe isne ye logic rakha " Bhai college ke liye shoes toh pehenne hi hai, ab shorts pe shoes pehenne ke liye main RSS se thodi na hoon, so I am good with Jeans and T-shirts.

Style quotient barrier also crossed. Ab iska agla barrier tha, Social Skills. 

Ye stage pe jaane mein. Perform karne mein kaafi hoshiyar tha bachpan se hi. Toh social skills ka wo wala area was not his issue. 

His issue was " How to interact with his fellow female classmates looking in the eye" 

Ye kaam is se nahin ho pa raha tha 

Ofcourse jab ye stage pe jaata tha aur acha perform karta tha, toh class ke kaafi log isko congratulate karte the. Aise times pe ye ladkiyon ki aankhon mein dekhke kabhi " Thanks" tak nahin bol paata tha, arey haath milana toh duur ki baat hain, ye ladki agar is se baat karne aati thi toh patli gali naap ke koi na koi bahane se nikal jaata tha.

Ye kya tha?

Jab isko stage par jaake us college ke Principal ki mimicry karne mein koi darr nahin lagta tha par wahin jab kisi ladki se baat karne ki baari aati thi toh iske pair kaampte the, iske haath thande ho jaatey the. Ye samajh nahin pa raha tha ki is se kaise deal karna hai. Kyunki nahin ho paya toh problem ho jayegi. Chaar saal nikaalne hain college mein.

Ye is baare mein soch hi raha tha ki college ke agley din iske pairon ke neechey se zameen khisak gayi. Pura aasmaan is pe phatt gaya.

Abey! Aisa kya hua?

Jis Engineering college mein ye padhta tha wo comparitively station se kaafi nazdeek tha, toh ghar wapas jaate waqt ye humesha paidal chal ke jaata tha . Roz ki tarah ye aaj bhi apne do doston ke saath Bandra station ki ore chalke jaa raha hai, ye dono dost isko engineering ki coaching mein college start hone ke ek mahine pehele hi mil chukey the aur ye dono dost born and brought up in Bombay the. Is ne kai baar ye issue in doston se discuss bhi kiya lekin in dono ne humesha hass ke baat taal di.

Yahan tak toh theek tha, par roz ki tarah sirf ye teeno log station ki taraf nahin chalke jaa rahe the. Iske doston ne apne aur doston ko bhi "Lets walk today' ka invitation de diya tha. Ab ye 6 log saath mein chalte chalte station ki ore ja rahe the. Apne ladke ki haalat already kharab hai, wo kabhi neechey dekh ke kabhi apne phone pe kuch karte hue chalta ja raha hai. Iske haath pair thande pad gaye hain. Iske dimaag mein sirf ek cheez chal rahi hai, ki kab ye station pohoche aur kab pehli train milte hi is situation se bhaag jaaye. 

Saare log station pohoche aur ek dusrey ko " Okay Bye, See you tomorrow!" bolne ki baari aayi jahan ye idhar udhar dekhte hue duur se apna haath hilate hue " Bye Bye See you " type ki baatein badbada raha hai. 

Tab saamne se ek tom boyish ladki aayi " Hi ! I am phalana dimkana boli" aur seedha iska haath pakad liya, ye is feeling se recover hua hi tha ki sabne ek dusre ko bye bolne ke baad galey lagana shuru kiya.

Ye wahin khada raha, aisa lag raha tha jaise iske bachpan se kisi cousin ne aakey iske dimaag mein isko "STATUE!" bol diya ho. Aur aapne bhi apne bachpan mein aise log dekhe honge Salman Aishwarya type jo STATUE ko bohot seriously lete hai. Itna ki bladder phatt raha hai, toilet jaana hai par kya karoon usne abhi tak STATUE OVER nahin bola hai.

Iski haalat bhi kuch aisi hi ho gayi thi. Time froze for him, when the girl hugged him and said bye. 

Ab aisa ladka jisne ab tak khaali apne maa baap ko aur cousins ko hug kiya ho wo bhi tyohaaron aur vacation mein, jahan hello ke naam pe sirf do ungliyan touch hoti ho. Sochiye uski kya halat hui hogi jab baari baari se 3 ladkiyon ne us se aake sirf haath hi nahin milaya, iske performance ki taareef bhi ki, intro bhi diya aur bye bolte waqt isko galey se bhi lagaya.

Purey 2 hours ki train journey mein ye ek word nahin bola, bus apne phone mein ghusa raha. Waise share auto leke ghar jaata tha lekin aaj he decided to walk. In rain in keechad, even though he hates rain.

Lets see iske dimaag mein chal kya raha hai.

Kya chal raha hoga.. un teeno ladkiyon ke baare mein soch raha hoga aur kya.

Dekhte hain na. 

🔎This is something he has never experienced before, Hmmm.. I see a huge population of butterflies in his stomach. Lets check other places, yes.. heart is beating tremendously fast and loud. Lets check his brain. Oh ! Thats Tom Boyish girl, the first one who noticed him, met him and gave him a hug. Damn I see Violins and Trumpets. Ye sab itna high volume pe baj raha hai, shayad isiliye ye apni akal ki awaaz nahin sun pa raha hai.

Kaunse uncle?

Uncle nahin Akal. His brain, his mind, his logic. Jo bohot der se isko samjhaane ki koshish kar raha hai " Listen! Aye you Stupid Idiot! This is normal in Bombay! Its not a big deal! Zyada khush mat ho ki tujhe baarish achi lagne lagi hai just because she hugged you ! Tere dimaag mein baarish ho rahi hai ! Bahar sab normal hai ! Isiliye tu bina bimaar hue ghar pohoch jayega! Sun meri baat! Random track pe mat ja! "

Par kyunki the butterflies are all Red and the orchestra is too loud, apne hero ki haalat Dhoom ke Ali bhai jaisi ho gayi hai jahan ye apne khayalon mein us Tom Boy se shaadi kar chuka hai.

Damn! Iska solid katt-ne wala hai 

That's for sure, par abhi nahin, bohot time ke baad hi katega, aur iske khayalon ki biwi hi kaategi.

Kaategi Katega ye sab kya laga ke rakha hai ? What does all this mean?

Arey matlab iski buri band bajegi ! Same cheez in Patang and Manjha Analogy!

Phir kya hua?

Phir kya? Lets Fast Forward

• Friends
• Best friends
• Proposal
• Acceptance
• Tum hi meri biwi banogi ( Gaanv ka ladka)
• Freaks out ( Sheher ki logical practical ladki)
• Didn't see this coming
• What's the problem?
• Dating aur Relationship mein bohot farak hota hai 
• What?
• Leave that! We are too young!
• Break Up
• Sadness
• Awkwardness
• Kandha/Kandhi arrives
• Relationship No. 2
• Ladka Super Scared ( Even she will break my heart)
• Don't you trust me ?
• It's not that, I am scared
• Fuck off ( Break up No. 2)
• So on and so forth
• Search for Biwi is still on 
• Social Media Arrives
• (Break up No. 5,6,7,8,9,10)
• Biwi not wanted now! Bus !
• Dating Apps Arrives
• Relationship no. 11
• I love you ( Amazingly sorted girl ) 
• I am scared of love, Just looking for something light
• Something light? I am looking for some stability and a constant companion in my life
• I don't know, I am not ready for that, Sorry!
• You are 27 years old! When will you be ready?
• I don't know 
• Break up
• Kata - Kata - Kata
• Hence Proved

Chamka? 

I will explain 

Budding days - Less Exposure

Later Half - Extreme Exposure

= Cutting Chai

Anyway

Ye toh ho gayi serious baatein, aur khair, pyaar aur relationship ke issues mein toh hum saare hi equally stupid hote hain. Kya gaanv kya sheher? Right? 

Please comment if you relate.. 

Ab aatey hain kuch stupidly stupid baaton pe. Toh life ke bohot badey hissey tak mera Bhugol bohot hi kharab tha abhi bhi hai. Bhugol matlab Geography . Mujhe humesha lagta tha ki Goa is end of India, kyunki wahan paani hai aur paani ke baad sheher toh nahin hoga na floating. With the same logic mujhe lagta tha Benaras bhi neechey hai. Main Maharashtra se hoon aur mujhe lagta tha UP neechey hai. How Ironic? UP is Down in my head. Maine kabhi nahin socha ki paani toh Bombay mein bhi hai par ye kyun neechey nahin hai. Hence Kaafi stupid. Waise main aaj bhi apne US ke doston se wahan kitna baja hai ya wahan raat hai ki din jaise sawaal puchta hoon. Main abhi bhi Canada aur Chicago mein confuse hota hoon. Stupid Max!

Ek aur iconic stupidity wali baat yaad hai mujhe apne bachpan ki jahan Hindi filmon ka prabhaav mere Jeevan pe charam seema pe tha. Shahrukh ka bohot bada fan tha main.

Shahrukh ka fan hona Stupid hota hai ? #Saalebhaibhakt

Arey! Nahin! Aagey sun

Toh meri cousin Poona mein padhti thi aur MTV ki duniya se kaafi waakif thi.

Chhaiyan Chhaiyan gaana aaya tha aur hum us pe bohot naachtey the. 

Local cable channel pe " Dial a song " tab bohot famous hota tha jab hum phone ke zariye ek gaana local tv pe select karke bajate the. Us time pe humney Chhaiyan Chhaiyan itni baar bajwaya tha ki humko uske dialing codes bhi yaad ho gaye the. 

Toh vacation mein Didi aayi aur hum wohi Chhaiyan Chhaiyan kar rahe the.

 Didi boli " Mallaika!"

Maine dhyan nahin diya. Main apna naachne mein busy. Next time jab gaana play hua toh Didi ne "Mallaika!" nahin bola. Aagey bhi nahin bola. Phir didi wapis apne hostel chali gayi. Gaana toh phir bhi roz bajta tha aur main video dekh ke sochta tha ki kya Malai Ka? Bohot din tak maine same socha ki kya malai ka.

Why didn't you call and ask your cousin?

Iska toh same reason hai bhai, wohi reason jiski wajah se maine apne relationship issues late in my life apne doston se discuss nahin kiye. Same problem . Hum apni kamzori se related sawaal kam hi puchte hain.

Phir Mallaika ka kya hua?

Mallaika nahin Malai Ka.

What?

Haan! Toh agar aap Chhaiyan Chhaiyan ka video dekhoge toh usmein Shahrukh Khan train ke upar bohot saare gaanv wale traditional logon ke saath naachtey hain. Yaad hai na ? Wo log pagdi pehenke, ghaagrey daalke train ke upar naach rahe hain. 

Aapko Amul Doodh ki ads yaad hain ? Jahan Smita Patil aur unke aas paas same dress code mein log hote hain. 

Haan.. but what's the connection?

Batata hoon.. toh kai saal tak mujhe ye lagta tha, ki meri behen ne " Malai Ka " bola "Mallaika" nahin.

Ki ye Malai banane wale log hain..Aur shayad us train pe logon ke saath matkey bhi the aur baaki log shayad malai banane wala gol gol step bhi kar rahe hai gaane mein.

What the hell! Kuch bhi matlab!

Not kidding.. I assumed this to be the truth for many years. Until Mallaika Arora became extremely famous during Munni Badnaam release. Or may be a little before that.

So yeah! Stupid Me ! Ignorant me !

Damn! this is heights! Urrrgggghhhhh!!!!

Comment 1 : Bhai is best

Comment 2 : Mallaika is Arjun's

Comment 3 : I think Sheshnaag is more stupid #ModiPriorities

Comment 4 : B#0$D007 #ModiIsLove

Comment 4 : What's that?

Comment 5 : India's world record for longest train

Comment 6 : 🤦‍♂️