Lockdown Thoughts : Post Expectation Expectation Post

What is Expectation?

A strong belief that something will happen or be the case

But this is just the dictionary meaning of the word Expectation.

Ab kyunki meri is shabd se kaafi dushmani hai, main aapko bata doon ki ye sirf ek word nahin hai, ye saare Raite ka reason hai 

Origin of Expectation

Expectation ka origin aapki life shuru hone se pehle hi aapki shuru hone wali life mein hota hai 

Where your Mom told your dad " I am expecting " 

Then your mom and dad told your grandparents " We are expecting "

Then your grandparents told your parents " We were expecting this" 

Then your vamp aunt told the society " They are expecting a boy "

Ab tak aap ek ungli ke size ke bhi nahin hue ho, aur expectation ne aapki life mein janam le liya hai. Koi expect kar raha hai ki aap ladke hone chahiye ho, koi bol raha hai ki ladke bohot ho gaye, ab aapko ek chaand si ladki hona padega.

 * Agar humari society mein log ladki maangna shuru ho jayein toh kya baat ho jaati , main aise kai logon ko jaanta hoon jo apna pura neighborhood  bhar dete hain ladkiyon se is chakkar mein ki ladka ho jaye aur tab biwi ki halat aur shakal dono bolti hai, 

" You are expecting way too many miracles from a single person"

Now you know why they call it ," WE ARE EXPECTING?"

Kyunki wo log apni life mein kaafi bore ho gaye hain aur apne liye ek naya mission generate karne ka time aa gaya hai. Aisa mission jispe wo apne saare expectations thoos thoos ke maarenge.

Finally after 9 months of building hopes and expectations, You are born

And in another cradle besides you, some TV serial vamp 

" I was expecting a boy, chalo ye bhi theek hi hai, par thodi moti nahin hai ?"

Ye hai Judgement, Expectation ki sagi cousin, Jab bhi expectation pass ya fail hota hai Judgement ka role shuru hota hai.

For example 

Bua khush hui hi hoti hai ki judgement apni entry maarta hai " Tushar? ye kaisa faltu naam hai? kuch unique rakhte hain "  Yahan aap neechey kapde pe pade ho aapko susu jaana hai, log aa aake aapke gaal kheech ke ja rahe hain, inka debate khatam hi nahin ho raha hai. "Tilak rakhte hain sahi rahega! Great freedom fighter " " Tarun! Tarun rakhte hain Young and dynamic" "Tapan! Hot! "

Everyone is throwing their choice at you, they don't ask you, they dont take your opinion on what You should be called all your life. They Expect you to be okay with whatever name they gave you. 

Ye aapki life ka acha khaasa trailer nahin tha?

Bus yahan ek difference hai

Hum log ko ghanta kuch nahin samajh raha hota hai wo time pe ki ye khel kya hai 

Hum log ko bus yehi samajhta hai ki susu aayi hai, toh kar dete hain, bhookh lagi hai toh ro dete hain 

Hum log ko potty aayi hai, par hum bata nahin sakte, na chahte hue bhi gandagi mein sona pad raha hai.

Aur aise time pe ye log jo rasgulley aur ice cream thoosne aaye hain decide kar rahe hain ki humara naam kya hoga, wo important cheez jis se humari identity define hogi.

Ye sab ek strategic planning ka hissa hai, jo rules se pack kiya gaya hai.

Bade hoke Papa se pucho, " Mere se bina puchey aapne mera naam aisa kyun rakh diya?" 

Papa bole " Birth certificate banwana hota hai, janam patri banani hoti hai, naam toh rakhna hi tha,

Kaafi pakkey khilaadi hote hain humare baap log, unko bhi pata hota hai ki hum is naam se ab used to ho chukey hain. Humare dost, jo us umar mein family se kai zyada mayine rakhte hain, wo kya sochenge,

Does any one know what this was?

Can anyone guess?

Yes ! Sahi Jawaab!

By the way when my family was playing ping pong with what my name would be 

My grandfather expected a divine source to give me a name 

and he said " Trilok Nath "

Now, no one uttered a word

Everyone was shocked with this Vintage name, but Babaji ne bola hai

Now Grandpa expected everyone to just ssssshhh and said " Wah! Shiv ka naam "

My mom being a Shiv Bhakt smiled and the pandit wrote it on my janam patri 

" Trilok Nath Sadhwani"

Agar main us samay sun paata aur samajh paata toh atleast us pandit ko rok leta aur bolta 

"Panditji please thoda toh socho, mujhe school jaana hai, ye naath ke saath bully ho jaunga" 

Par afsos,

* Hint no.2 of what is life going to be like *

But as they say , Mothers have their way of communicating with their kids even when they cant speak. Somehow my mother knew what I liked, she removed Nath from my name while I was admitted to a school.  Now it was not so cool but at least a  unique name " Trilok" 

Yes, the attribute Unique and the fact that I find Shiva, the Coolest mythological character or God, I am damn happy with my name.

The journey of expectations dont stop when you get a cool name 

Now your parents and family expect you to build that name 

" Naam banao, Naam roshan karo etc etc."

Parents khud ke liye toh mission banate hi rehte hain 

Par tumhe bhi ek ke baad ek mission dete rehte hain 

Jab tak tum ye na maan ne lag jao ki expectations ke bina life bohot dull aur boring ho jayegi

Toh tum is tarah condition ho jaate ho ki tum roz subha uthke apne liye naye goals set karte ho aur roz apne kisi na kisi ki expectations ko pura karne mein kaafi time tak time pass kar lete ho.

Phir tumhari life mein ek unexpecting incident hota hai " Pyar "

Wahan se pura game hi change ho jaata hai 

"Oh! I didnt expect this , you are so sweet, I love you "

" You managed to surprise me once again ! I love you "

" You are so unpredictable and considerate! I love you "

" Sometimes you are so random, its gets to be But I still love you "

" You do so much for me, I feel guilty.. hmm.. But I love you "

" You didnt post a story on my birthday..."

" You didnt bake a cake.."

" You didnt pick me up "

" You didnt let her go "

l

l

l

l

l

" Expectations hurt"

Jab se paida hue ho expectations ne tumhare sar pe itna bojh daal diya hai ki ek time aata hai ki tumhe expectations se darr lagne lagta hai, tum ye sochne lag jaate ho ki 

" Ye life saali hai kiski? Meri toh lag hi nahin rahi "

" Meri hoti toh mujhe jo karne ne iccha hoti main wo karta na , ye toh pata nahin kitne saal se wo kiye ja raha hoon jo kisi aur ko meri life se chahiye, aur meri hi life se kyun chahiye? Kyunki uski life mein ho nahin paaya, shayad,

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Comment 1 : Abhi ek din toh bina kisi expectation ke life mein chill karna padega

Comment 2 : Jo darr gaya wo marr gaya, Modi Ji expects India to be renamed Bharat

Comment 3 : I also expect a lot from #AatmanirbharBharat

Comment 4 : Hum honge kaamiyab! Hum log top pe honge #Ilovemodi

Comment 5 : Hum already top pe hain in stupidity and Covid cases

Comment 6 : Aye BSDK ! India ka population zyada hai 

Comment 7 : Mera dost expect kar raha hai ki main uski shaadi attend karoon 

Comment 8 : Meri bhaanji 2 mahine ki bhi nahin thi aur uske papa mujhse lad rahe the ki wo scientist banegi, maine bola banao, mujhe kya? par wo Na bolegi toh tab aap mujhse aake jhagda karoge?

Comment 9 : This is not fair, we always expect the other person to work on the relationship, while we just chill or put terms and conditions

Comment 10 : My uncle who is almost 50 still cribs that he wasted 10 years of his prime life because his father expected him to become an engineer. Expectations are serious trouble man

Period Hmm Menstruation ooo Menstrual Cycle aaa Menses oh

Its difficult to remember when did I hear about the term Menstrual Cycle, but I am sure of the fact that it was years after me being curious " What is the brick they are packing in that newspaper and why is this brick available in a pharmacy and not a hardware store"

Napkin - "Ek Napkin dena"

Again, why is a medical store selling napkin? and why is he only selling Ladies' Napkin.

Pad - " Ek pad dena" 

I was in school at this time and the only pads I knew were *Exam Pad* *Note Pad*

Sanitary Napkin 

This brick was now confusing me and somehow my curiosity connected the word to Bathroom/Toilet

Eureka! I know what this brick is all about. I went and told a friend " I know something, and I am sure you all don't know anything about it " 

What! What!

Ssssshhhhhhh.. we are not supposed to talk openly about it, lets whisper.."

 What..what..

" Do you know whats that thing ladies get from medical store, that's wrapped in a newspaper?"

Ladies? When ? I have seen men get a small cube hidden in the palm of their hand.

" Now what's that ? Men get something too? in a newspaper? Damn! and I thought I am the smart one, what's that cube?"

I don't know, my dad buys it sometimes..

" Oh.. you don't know?.. okay.. tell me .. does your mom get the brick too?"

Yes yes Dad gets both, brick and cube, but I don't know what is either of those

" Guess who knows about that Brick for mom.."(Smiles Sheepishly)

What is it? Tell Tell!

" It is a sanitary napkin"

oh.. is it for cold?

"No! Stupid!  Basically, women wear complicated clothes and usually its an effort for them to use the toilet, so they wear this brick, in order to not use the washroom frequently, because its difficult for them to go again and again, hence its called a sanitary pad"

Cheeeee, Mom pee's in her pants? that's so bad

Its so cool! I thought only babies have that option

I felt so cool at that time, A moment of victory for me and a relief for my curiosity

Its sad and funny how not educating kids about these important issues can generate so many knots in their heads later

I was at peace with this information and being the smart one in my group, to know things, and finally my curiosity was resting.

Did I ask my Mom about it?

" Are you crazy?"

Two years later

One of my cousins fainted in school, I thought she is dehydrated, So I ran with a bottle of water towards her. She said something to her class teacher, I just heard the word "Bleeding"

Teacher Shoo'd me away. I went to the administration office and called my Mom 

" Didi is hurt, and teacher is not letting me help her"

My mom asked me to relax and go back to class, she said she will talk to me when I get home.

I was thinking about it throughout, but when I got home, everything was normal, as if nothing happened. Everyone was seated in the living room, mom was serving lunch and I wondered why is everyone so calm after Didi just had an accident. No one reacted or responded to my questions. My curiosity and frustration both were now exploding in my head. Mom came and sat with me in the evening, when I asked her she told me

 Abhi tu chota hai, time aane pe sab samjha dungi

What? what has this to do with my age?

Anyway, I went on thinking about it, searching about it and then finally one of my neighbors, a college going boy told me that women bleed from where they pee. I was disgusted by the thought of it at once, but later I was concerned about my mother, my cousin and my tiny sister. 

" Why do they bleed? What is the cure? Why don't they apply medicine to the wound?"

" Is this why when my knee was bleeding, Mom said  Kuch nahin hai, theek ho jayega

Because bleeding is normal for them ?

I was so restless about this, I went to my mother again

"What do you mean ? women bleed for 4-5 days every month after they grow up from  girl to woman ? Why aren't you going to a doctor and getting it fixed?"

You wont get it now beta.. there is still time for you to understand that.

My mother dodged my questions, and with time my mind started feeling very sorry for my female classmates and the women in my house. I never fought with them or got physical during an argument. The constant thought in my head was  " If there is bleeding, there must be pain "

Who knew? It was much more than just PAIN

It was crazy amount of pain,discomfort and those 5 days have Mental and Emotional Impact too.

The ad commercials added to the confusion where the actress used to say she cant play sports when she is bleeding and I used to think " Of course! how can she swim? she'll turn the pool red,  of course she cant play sports, the friction of the pad might give her crazy rashes." I was all in with the actress. But when the mother used to say  Its okay beta, Darr ke aagey jeet hai .. be confident

 I used to feel like there is no sense in what the mother is saying! 

Few Years Later

I was in college now
I fairly knew about what menstruation is but I never knew that this phenomenon will keep surprising me.

By the way, why does menstruation has the word Men in it? When the truth is that we will never even get close to understanding what Women go through during these days of the month.

It was Shivratri and for some reason one of my best friends was not joining us to go to the famous Shiva temple Rajeshwar Mandir back in my hometown.

She said she wont join us, I was surprised because she used to love going to that temple. I was upset with her, she told me she cant go because she is forbidden. 

"What?? forbidden from what?"

We are not allowed to visit sacred places while we are on our period.. you all carry on. I will see you tomorrow

"Excuse me ! What?  I didn't get you, and who forbids you ?"

Mom 

"Wait wait wait! does she not know whats menstruation for ? and its not your fault it is happening to you every month?"

Of course she knows.. don't be stupid, go on I will meet you guys tomorrow 

"You are telling me that your mom forbids you to go to a temple during your periods, why is that?"

She says women are impure at that time, many temples don't allow us in too

"You know what? You are coming with me NOW ! "

No I cant, I dont feel good about it either. You guys please carry on 

I got angry by now.

"I don't get you, you are saying your mom knows what periods are, she knows women bleed for their entire life so that they can give birth, she knows that its God who has given you this super power, and you cant visit the temple because God thinks you are impure?????  does this make any sense? Its ridiculous to another level. Lets go now!"

I cant, you carry on 

And I drove off furious

This thought saddens me even today that how hypocritical our society can get

One Year later

I was well aware of everything regarding menstruation, or that's what I thought.

One day when I was planning a date and She said she can't make it
I asked the reason
She said she is Chumming

 " Ab ye kya naya hai ?"

----

BMM Class 

A friend of mine poked me with a pencil

Hey.. I am thinking of going home after this period is over 

"Why?"

Just

"Is something wrong? are you okay?"

Yeah yeah Its my birthday

" Wasn't your birthday in July?"

I celebrate my birthday every month

"Now you are just finding excuses to go home, you are going to miss an important lecture"

She went home

I got to know 2 days later when she came to college what she meant by monthly birthday..

Its so weird 

Something which is actually a superpower given to women is spoken about and hidden like its a taboo.

Comment 1 : Ye kya faltu ki baatein nikaal ke baitha hai aaj ?

Comment 2 : Kaam ki baat hai 

Comment 3 : Hum sirf Mann ki baat karte hain #ModiRocks

Comment 4 : So does Godi Media

Comment 5 : BSDK

Lockdown Conversations : Stupid Me!

Kisi ne socha hai ki gaanv ke logon ki sheher mein aake band kyun bajti hai ?

Aye! Aisa nahin hai

Gaanv se sheher aake bohot saare logon ne apne sapne sachch kiye hain 

And History is proof.. Many legends from small towns have captured and ruled the world

Arey! Haan bhai! Maine kab mana kiya?

Successful aur smart logon ki kahaniyan toh sabne suni hai 

Isiliye toh main unpe thoda focus kar raha hoon jinki sheher aake band baji hai 

Having said that

Aisa zaroori nahin hai ki jo small towners aaj legends hain 

Unki band koi na koi level pe nahin baji hogi 

Anyway, the point is 

Main small town se hoon aur meri kaafi band baji hai 

Kyun baji hai ?

There is only one reason to that 

Reason hain  Justification nahin hai okay?

The soul reason for meri lagna ya bajna is that

I am damn stupid

Am or Was?

Kahaaniyan toh "Was" waali hai but that doesn't mean ki usmein "Am" ka scope nahin hain

Kisi ne apne aas paas ya apne doston mein ye notice kiya hai ki small town se aaye hue ka sheher mein kitna kachra hota hai ?

Kachra matlab?

Kachra matlab aise incidences jahan pe hum unko " Abey gaanv se aaya hai kya/alibaug se aaya hai kya?" Ye bolke chidhate hain.

Hmm

Relationships workout na Hona

Random Breakups hona

Raston par Jhagde hona

Kabhi socha hai aisa kyun hota hai?

Mere hisaab se maine is baare mein pata lagaya hain 

Isiliye main aapko clearly batata hoon ki aisa kyun hota hai 

No offense to anyone 

But I am sure aap logon ne bhi aisi dardnaak ghatnayein apne aas paas notice ki hogi

Ek ladka hai jo chote sheher se bade sheher mein achanak aa jaata hai

From a small town to a metro city

Ab wo ladka ek aise school aur junior college mein padha hai jahan agar galti se bhi kisi ladki ne usey dekh ke muskura diya toh puri class ko khabar ho jaati thi. Jahan agar kisi ladki ne us se notes ke liye kitaab maang li toh staff room mein khabar phail jaati thi. Jahan agar uski desk partner koi khoobsurat ladki ban jaati thi toh class ki dusri saari benches pe

 "Ladka" 💘 " Ladki" ke chitron ki engraving ho jaati thi. Jahan agar wo ladki us ke saath tiffin share kar le toh Saturday ki parents teacher meeting mein wo issue prime level pe discuss hota tha. Jahan wo ladka apni khatara cycle pe us ladki ke peechey jaane ki taiyari mein ho aur uski cycle ki chain gir jaye aur kahin se wo ladki apni Scooty Pep rok ke uski madad karne ki koshish kare toh khabar purey sheher mein phail jaati thi.

Jahan hello karte waqt sirf ungliyon ki tip nahin hatheli bhi touch ho jaaye toh it was Talk of the town.

Aisi jagah aur past se aaya hua ladka jab Bombay ke Bandra ilaake ke top college  mein admission leke padhne aa jaye. Toh sochiye usko apni purani zindagi kitna bada dhokha lagegi.

Ye ladka roz subha local train ke dhakke khake apne Engineering college mein kadam rakhta hai aur usko chaaron ore pariyan dikhti hain. Wo Zakir bhai ne khoob kaha hai. Boys school ke laundon ko pata hoga, ki ladkiyon mein ek khushboo hoti hai. Yahan sirf khushboo hi nahin thi balki ye ladka perfume ke mall mein entry maar chuka tha. Ab aise mein isko ek hafta lag gaya is asliyat ke mahol se face to face hone mein aur apne hosh sambhaalne mein. 

Ab jab wo jaan chuka ki ye sab asli hai aur agley chaar saal tak yahi uski zindagi hai toh wo thoda next step ki taraf badha. Usne ye discover kiya ki chappal aur shorts pehenna gareebi nahin hoti. Chappal aur shorts mein ghoomna ulta coolness aur ameeri ki nishaani hai.

Aisi kai aur cheezein usne discover ki. Haalaki wo apna kapde pehenne ka dhang aur style nahin badal paya. Shorts aur Chappal ko usne logic se tackle kiya.

Kaunsa logic?

Simple logic ki wo roz subha 2 ghante local train mein travel karta hai, jismein bheed hoti hai. Chappal pehenega toh uske pairon ki ungliyon ka kachumbar ban jayega, plus Bombay mein July mahiney mein kaafi baarish ka mahol hota hai. Aisi baarish usne life mein kabhi face nahin ki thi. Toh Shoes pehenne ka ek aur reason usko mil gaya. 

Aur Shorts ka kya?

Hmm. Shorts ka actual reason tha ki uske ghar mein " Shorts pehen ke bahar sabzi wale tak hi jaa sakte hain college nahin " aisi parampara thi. Wo ek aise ghar mein rehta tha jahan ladke sar mein tel lagatey the, shirt ko in karte the aur belt bhi pehente the aur shoes ke bina ghar ke bahar kadam nahin rakhte the. Toh us hissaab se ye apne aap ko already ghar ka sab se cool aur stylish banda maanta tha . Shorts se isko waise hi kaafi allergy thi kyunki iski taango pe Anil Kapoor type ke baal the. Un baalon ki numaayish karne ki iski koi iccha nahin thi. Par public front pe isne ye logic rakha " Bhai college ke liye shoes toh pehenne hi hai, ab shorts pe shoes pehenne ke liye main RSS se thodi na hoon, so I am good with Jeans and T-shirts.

Style quotient barrier also crossed. Ab iska agla barrier tha, Social Skills. 

Ye stage pe jaane mein. Perform karne mein kaafi hoshiyar tha bachpan se hi. Toh social skills ka wo wala area was not his issue. 

His issue was " How to interact with his fellow female classmates looking in the eye" 

Ye kaam is se nahin ho pa raha tha 

Ofcourse jab ye stage pe jaata tha aur acha perform karta tha, toh class ke kaafi log isko congratulate karte the. Aise times pe ye ladkiyon ki aankhon mein dekhke kabhi " Thanks" tak nahin bol paata tha, arey haath milana toh duur ki baat hain, ye ladki agar is se baat karne aati thi toh patli gali naap ke koi na koi bahane se nikal jaata tha.

Ye kya tha?

Jab isko stage par jaake us college ke Principal ki mimicry karne mein koi darr nahin lagta tha par wahin jab kisi ladki se baat karne ki baari aati thi toh iske pair kaampte the, iske haath thande ho jaatey the. Ye samajh nahin pa raha tha ki is se kaise deal karna hai. Kyunki nahin ho paya toh problem ho jayegi. Chaar saal nikaalne hain college mein.

Ye is baare mein soch hi raha tha ki college ke agley din iske pairon ke neechey se zameen khisak gayi. Pura aasmaan is pe phatt gaya.

Abey! Aisa kya hua?

Jis Engineering college mein ye padhta tha wo comparitively station se kaafi nazdeek tha, toh ghar wapas jaate waqt ye humesha paidal chal ke jaata tha . Roz ki tarah ye aaj bhi apne do doston ke saath Bandra station ki ore chalke jaa raha hai, ye dono dost isko engineering ki coaching mein college start hone ke ek mahine pehele hi mil chukey the aur ye dono dost born and brought up in Bombay the. Is ne kai baar ye issue in doston se discuss bhi kiya lekin in dono ne humesha hass ke baat taal di.

Yahan tak toh theek tha, par roz ki tarah sirf ye teeno log station ki taraf nahin chalke jaa rahe the. Iske doston ne apne aur doston ko bhi "Lets walk today' ka invitation de diya tha. Ab ye 6 log saath mein chalte chalte station ki ore ja rahe the. Apne ladke ki haalat already kharab hai, wo kabhi neechey dekh ke kabhi apne phone pe kuch karte hue chalta ja raha hai. Iske haath pair thande pad gaye hain. Iske dimaag mein sirf ek cheez chal rahi hai, ki kab ye station pohoche aur kab pehli train milte hi is situation se bhaag jaaye. 

Saare log station pohoche aur ek dusrey ko " Okay Bye, See you tomorrow!" bolne ki baari aayi jahan ye idhar udhar dekhte hue duur se apna haath hilate hue " Bye Bye See you " type ki baatein badbada raha hai. 

Tab saamne se ek tom boyish ladki aayi " Hi ! I am phalana dimkana boli" aur seedha iska haath pakad liya, ye is feeling se recover hua hi tha ki sabne ek dusre ko bye bolne ke baad galey lagana shuru kiya.

Ye wahin khada raha, aisa lag raha tha jaise iske bachpan se kisi cousin ne aakey iske dimaag mein isko "STATUE!" bol diya ho. Aur aapne bhi apne bachpan mein aise log dekhe honge Salman Aishwarya type jo STATUE ko bohot seriously lete hai. Itna ki bladder phatt raha hai, toilet jaana hai par kya karoon usne abhi tak STATUE OVER nahin bola hai.

Iski haalat bhi kuch aisi hi ho gayi thi. Time froze for him, when the girl hugged him and said bye. 

Ab aisa ladka jisne ab tak khaali apne maa baap ko aur cousins ko hug kiya ho wo bhi tyohaaron aur vacation mein, jahan hello ke naam pe sirf do ungliyan touch hoti ho. Sochiye uski kya halat hui hogi jab baari baari se 3 ladkiyon ne us se aake sirf haath hi nahin milaya, iske performance ki taareef bhi ki, intro bhi diya aur bye bolte waqt isko galey se bhi lagaya.

Purey 2 hours ki train journey mein ye ek word nahin bola, bus apne phone mein ghusa raha. Waise share auto leke ghar jaata tha lekin aaj he decided to walk. In rain in keechad, even though he hates rain.

Lets see iske dimaag mein chal kya raha hai.

Kya chal raha hoga.. un teeno ladkiyon ke baare mein soch raha hoga aur kya.

Dekhte hain na. 

🔎This is something he has never experienced before, Hmmm.. I see a huge population of butterflies in his stomach. Lets check other places, yes.. heart is beating tremendously fast and loud. Lets check his brain. Oh ! Thats Tom Boyish girl, the first one who noticed him, met him and gave him a hug. Damn I see Violins and Trumpets. Ye sab itna high volume pe baj raha hai, shayad isiliye ye apni akal ki awaaz nahin sun pa raha hai.

Kaunse uncle?

Uncle nahin Akal. His brain, his mind, his logic. Jo bohot der se isko samjhaane ki koshish kar raha hai " Listen! Aye you Stupid Idiot! This is normal in Bombay! Its not a big deal! Zyada khush mat ho ki tujhe baarish achi lagne lagi hai just because she hugged you ! Tere dimaag mein baarish ho rahi hai ! Bahar sab normal hai ! Isiliye tu bina bimaar hue ghar pohoch jayega! Sun meri baat! Random track pe mat ja! "

Par kyunki the butterflies are all Red and the orchestra is too loud, apne hero ki haalat Dhoom ke Ali bhai jaisi ho gayi hai jahan ye apne khayalon mein us Tom Boy se shaadi kar chuka hai.

Damn! Iska solid katt-ne wala hai 

That's for sure, par abhi nahin, bohot time ke baad hi katega, aur iske khayalon ki biwi hi kaategi.

Kaategi Katega ye sab kya laga ke rakha hai ? What does all this mean?

Arey matlab iski buri band bajegi ! Same cheez in Patang and Manjha Analogy!

Phir kya hua?

Phir kya? Lets Fast Forward

• Friends
• Best friends
• Proposal
• Acceptance
• Tum hi meri biwi banogi ( Gaanv ka ladka)
• Freaks out ( Sheher ki logical practical ladki)
• Didn't see this coming
• What's the problem?
• Dating aur Relationship mein bohot farak hota hai 
• What?
• Leave that! We are too young!
• Break Up
• Sadness
• Awkwardness
• Kandha/Kandhi arrives
• Relationship No. 2
• Ladka Super Scared ( Even she will break my heart)
• Don't you trust me ?
• It's not that, I am scared
• Fuck off ( Break up No. 2)
• So on and so forth
• Search for Biwi is still on 
• Social Media Arrives
• (Break up No. 5,6,7,8,9,10)
• Biwi not wanted now! Bus !
• Dating Apps Arrives
• Relationship no. 11
• I love you ( Amazingly sorted girl ) 
• I am scared of love, Just looking for something light
• Something light? I am looking for some stability and a constant companion in my life
• I don't know, I am not ready for that, Sorry!
• You are 27 years old! When will you be ready?
• I don't know 
• Break up
• Kata - Kata - Kata
• Hence Proved

Chamka? 

I will explain 

Budding days - Less Exposure

Later Half - Extreme Exposure

= Cutting Chai

Anyway

Ye toh ho gayi serious baatein, aur khair, pyaar aur relationship ke issues mein toh hum saare hi equally stupid hote hain. Kya gaanv kya sheher? Right? 

Please comment if you relate.. 

Ab aatey hain kuch stupidly stupid baaton pe. Toh life ke bohot badey hissey tak mera Bhugol bohot hi kharab tha abhi bhi hai. Bhugol matlab Geography . Mujhe humesha lagta tha ki Goa is end of India, kyunki wahan paani hai aur paani ke baad sheher toh nahin hoga na floating. With the same logic mujhe lagta tha Benaras bhi neechey hai. Main Maharashtra se hoon aur mujhe lagta tha UP neechey hai. How Ironic? UP is Down in my head. Maine kabhi nahin socha ki paani toh Bombay mein bhi hai par ye kyun neechey nahin hai. Hence Kaafi stupid. Waise main aaj bhi apne US ke doston se wahan kitna baja hai ya wahan raat hai ki din jaise sawaal puchta hoon. Main abhi bhi Canada aur Chicago mein confuse hota hoon. Stupid Max!

Ek aur iconic stupidity wali baat yaad hai mujhe apne bachpan ki jahan Hindi filmon ka prabhaav mere Jeevan pe charam seema pe tha. Shahrukh ka bohot bada fan tha main.

Shahrukh ka fan hona Stupid hota hai ? #Saalebhaibhakt

Arey! Nahin! Aagey sun

Toh meri cousin Poona mein padhti thi aur MTV ki duniya se kaafi waakif thi.

Chhaiyan Chhaiyan gaana aaya tha aur hum us pe bohot naachtey the. 

Local cable channel pe " Dial a song " tab bohot famous hota tha jab hum phone ke zariye ek gaana local tv pe select karke bajate the. Us time pe humney Chhaiyan Chhaiyan itni baar bajwaya tha ki humko uske dialing codes bhi yaad ho gaye the. 

Toh vacation mein Didi aayi aur hum wohi Chhaiyan Chhaiyan kar rahe the.

 Didi boli " Mallaika!"

Maine dhyan nahin diya. Main apna naachne mein busy. Next time jab gaana play hua toh Didi ne "Mallaika!" nahin bola. Aagey bhi nahin bola. Phir didi wapis apne hostel chali gayi. Gaana toh phir bhi roz bajta tha aur main video dekh ke sochta tha ki kya Malai Ka? Bohot din tak maine same socha ki kya malai ka.

Why didn't you call and ask your cousin?

Iska toh same reason hai bhai, wohi reason jiski wajah se maine apne relationship issues late in my life apne doston se discuss nahin kiye. Same problem . Hum apni kamzori se related sawaal kam hi puchte hain.

Phir Mallaika ka kya hua?

Mallaika nahin Malai Ka.

What?

Haan! Toh agar aap Chhaiyan Chhaiyan ka video dekhoge toh usmein Shahrukh Khan train ke upar bohot saare gaanv wale traditional logon ke saath naachtey hain. Yaad hai na ? Wo log pagdi pehenke, ghaagrey daalke train ke upar naach rahe hain. 

Aapko Amul Doodh ki ads yaad hain ? Jahan Smita Patil aur unke aas paas same dress code mein log hote hain. 

Haan.. but what's the connection?

Batata hoon.. toh kai saal tak mujhe ye lagta tha, ki meri behen ne " Malai Ka " bola "Mallaika" nahin.

Ki ye Malai banane wale log hain..Aur shayad us train pe logon ke saath matkey bhi the aur baaki log shayad malai banane wala gol gol step bhi kar rahe hai gaane mein.

What the hell! Kuch bhi matlab!

Not kidding.. I assumed this to be the truth for many years. Until Mallaika Arora became extremely famous during Munni Badnaam release. Or may be a little before that.

So yeah! Stupid Me ! Ignorant me !

Damn! this is heights! Urrrgggghhhhh!!!!

Comment 1 : Bhai is best

Comment 2 : Mallaika is Arjun's

Comment 3 : I think Sheshnaag is more stupid #ModiPriorities

Comment 4 : B#0$D007 #ModiIsLove

Comment 4 : What's that?

Comment 5 : India's world record for longest train

Comment 6 : 🤦‍♂️

Lockdown Conversations : Lucky Me!

Covid phase mein kai baar aisa hua ki hausla toota, mera aur mere doston ka bhi. Ab toh 3 se bhi zyada mahine ho chukey hain ki hum is problem mein hai, main bhool bhi gaya hoon ki mera ya mere dost ka pehla breakdown kab hua tha. 

Its happening a lot these days, when someone is spiraling down to being stuck and not willing to untangle things. I have been talking to many people and I hear this a lot, 

" Nahin ho raha hai yaar"

 " Main pakk gaya hoon "

 " Mujhe kaam chahiye"

 " Aur kitne din ghar pe baithna padega "

 " Ho Jaye toh ho jaye" 

I am sure aapke dost aur aap bhi khud pareshaan honge is helplessness se. People are losing hope. Everyday we hear atleast one terrible news that shakes us. Also literal shaky earthquake news is around the corner. There's not much to be motivate about around us. True! Main khud kai baar blank out ho jaata hoon ki bhai ye chal kya raha hai.

Pehle mujhe laga ki sirf freelancers dukhi hain

But I know people who are working from home and I often tell them 

" How lucky are you ! Being Busy is amazing"

Trust me 

Ye work from home wale toh alag level pe dukhi hain.

Maine kai logon se baat ki hai, kuch maan gaye, kuch nahin maane. If I trust my observations, people are looking for reasons to get sad. Maine kai baar unko bola bhi hai aisa same, aur usi same din pe main dara bhi hoon, ki ye kuch zyada ho gaya. When a person is down usko daant lagana, us pe chillana is not the solution. Par mere saath aisa kai baar hua where I lost my patience and was fed up of explaining my friends to look at the brighter side of things and they used to be like " Boss ! there is no brighter side to this"

That's when I realized ki main kisi ko bhi ek hadhdh tak hi samjha sakta hoon ya help kar sakta hoon.

I used to become very mean to them, saying things like

"Look around you ! People are dying of hunger, people don't have a roof to sleep under, people are not getting beds in hospitals, what the hell are you crying about? Consider yourself Lucky that you are living comfortably, your landlord is not an asshole, people are thrown out of their rented apartments and jobs, What are you crying about? So ja chup chaap! Roz naya natak leke aa rahe ho"

After this high toned screaming session I used to legit get scared for them and repeat the same in slow motion with a lot of "Hmm?" " Are you getting me ?" " I hope kuch khaya hai " and then ultimately suggesting them this 

" See, if its getting too difficult for you, please seek professional help"

Yes

Kaafi logon ko ye suggest kiya hai maine 

Not because I was fed up

But because I knew I couldn't help them further and who am I to help anyway? Main khud kai baar atak jaata hoon ye sochte sochte ki aagey kya hone wala hai 

And its absolutely alright to seek help

Those are learned people who know exactly how to untangle you 

How do I know this?

Because know people who have recovered and I myself got sorted with professional help. And you know what's the best part? That these people are helping people Online too.

So there might be a fair chance to conclude that If there have been less breakdowns in Lockdown Era. Its because these people are talking it out with the needful.

These people who?

These people : Psychologists,Therapists,Shrinks,Counselors. Stan Lipschitz from Suits or Shahrukh from Dear Zindagi 

Ye sab toh theek hai 

"Main kaise survive kar gaya yaar?" Main khud aisa sochne baitha ek din 

Tab my sister called me and she's like " Balcony mein aa jaldi" ( She stays in the same society)

Toh 1st instinct after an urgent call is " Meri buri phatt gayi"

Main daudke balcony mein gaya toh superb wala blue sky, white clouds, random textures.

Maine usko balcony se ishara kiya aur phone pe chillaya " Kya hai ? Dara diya mujhe"

She's like " Wo dekh!" (Pointing finger towards the sky)

That's when I noticed. There was this small tiny area in the right side of that sky scene which was not just blue and white.

"RAINBOW" 🌈

Now technically speaking, I am 30+ years in age. My sister is 25+. Her in-laws are 50+

Toh rainbow dekhke hum sab ek jitna hi excite aur pagal kyun hue ?

May be because all this natural beauty is an instant recall to our childhood, how? because tabhi hum kaafi velle the to observe all this.

May be because we have aged, sky is the same ? 

Okay Sky has changed too.. May be because Rainbows are visible once in a while, that's why this level of excitement

Or 

May be because today we have the time to appreciate it, which in usual life, would've been impossible at 4pm on a weekday. 

So that's the brighter side to being at home and this lockdown. Yay!

Mazey ki baat pata hai kya hai?

Wo koi itna bada rainbow tha bhi nahin 

isiliye toh mujhe nahin dikha tha 

ek right corner mein chota sa tha kahin 

par dhundhne pe mil gaya aur smile bhi aa gayi

bachpan bhi aa gaya 

toh moral of the story ye hain 

Ki chahe jo ho jaye 

We have to look for that right corner filled with colours and we will be fine.

Lucky hoon main ki meri behen same society mein rehti hai 

Aur hum aisi random baatein share karte hain

Agar aap dhoondhna chaahoge toh aapko bhi mil jayenge reasons jis se aapko pata chalega ki aap kitne lucky ho. 

Aur ye zaroori nahin hai ki aapko ye reasons balcony ke bahar aasmaan ki ore dekhne pe hi milenge.

Aapke lucky hone ke bohot saare reasons aapke andar aapki yaadon mein bhi mil sakte hain.

Jaise main apne aapko supremely lucky ek reason ki wajah se maanta hoon - Meri Family

Lockdown phase mein hum log pata nahin kahan kahan duniya ke alag alag kono mein atke hue hain,phasey hue hain. Koi Paris mein hai, koi bandra mein koi banglore mein hai koi bombay mein koi gujrat mein hai toh koi hyderabad mein. Aur main yahan thane mein.

Ek din aise hi khayal aaya ki hum sab ko lockdown mein apne hometown Akola mein hona chahiye tha. Agar aisa ho paaata toh ye lockdown kisi summer vacation aur diwali vacation se kam na hota. Wo din jahan hum sab ek saath ek chhat ke neechey rehte the.

I am sure aap logon ko bhi same lagta hoga aur agar same nahin lagta hoga toh kuch aur lagta hoga

But I am sure "Kaash Factor" toh sabki soch mein kahin na kahin hoga. Na?

Haan bhai! Kaash Factor ka sirf lockdown se lena dena nahin hai, pata hai na?

Kaash factor relates to whole life and " What if" thoughts are always there in our minds. 

Par main aapke lockdown ka " Kaash Factor " Jaanna chahta hoon. Toh comment section mein batayiye ki agar aap " Kaash aisa.." ye sochte hain toh aapka pehla thought kya aata hai.

Anyway coming back to Family

Main jab paida hua toh ghar mein almost 17 log the 

Haan 17

Phir jab main full fledged bada ho gaya toh hum 25 se bhi zyada log us ghar mein rehte the. Toh aap soch sakte ho ki summer vacations mein kya mazey aate honge.

" Dost" ye concept aur iska actual need bohot late samajh mein aaya. Kyunki hum cousins aapas mein hi itne mast rehte the. Aapko main ye bataunga ki hum apne ghar mein events aur competitions aur fashion shows organise karte the toh aapko lagega ki main mazaak kar raha hoon right?

Par hum actually aisa karte the, aur usmein humari badi daadiji se leke sab ke sab participate karte the. Iska closest reference agar main aapko de sakta hoon toh wo hai, Suraj Barjatia ki Hum Saath Saath Hai. Usmein Tabu ko welcome karne ke liye jaisa function hota tha, almost waisa same hum har vacation mein karte the.

We used to call it a " Program "

On any random day Dadaji used to call us in his room 

" Beta suno, parson ghar mein mehmaan aa rahe hain, toh program taiyar kar lo"

Aur bus! Humein mauka mil jaata tha celebrate karne ka. Ye mehman mostly

 " Jijaji,Phuphaji,Samdhiji ya koi politician bhi hota tha" par us se humko kya? Hum bachchon ki gang ko sirf naachne se matlab tha.

Politician matlab?

Matlab mantri

Matlab neta

Hmm Grandpa was a big shot.

Ye humko tab nahin samajhta tha. Par dheerey dheerey pata chala what a stud he was. Chote the tab toh hum nautanki karke manwa hi lete the unsey apni zidd aur maangey. Baad mein pata chala kitne usoolon wale the aur samaaj ke liye kya kya nahin kiya. Etc.

So! The stage was set. Date was decided. We had 2 days to prepare.

Aap yakeen maaniye. Hum kisi event planner se kam nahin the. Everything used to be on paper. Games,competitions, dance battles, skits,stand up comedy,etc. Ek proper host hota tha who used to entertain you between two performances. Aur hum is preparation process mein apne aap ko itna dedicate kar dete the ki humari mummiyan pareshaan ho jaati thi, " Khaana Kha Lo!"

Unko humare peechey bhaagna padta tha to get us to eat, if nothing worked, their final weapon used to be Papa Shree. Aur hum sab ko pata hai, ghar ki kisi situation mein agar Papa ji ko involve kar diya, toh maamla wahin serious ho jaata tha. Humare paer restlessly hilte rehte the ki kab khaane ki plate khatam ho aur kab hum phir se taiyari mein lag jayein.

Aisi random family mein paida hua isiliye kaafi lucky hoon main. Abhi bhi, jab se lockdown start hua hai, all of us make sure ki hum minimum hafte mein ek baar Zoom call ke zariye milein.

I used to be shy to these things, but the first time I joined this video call, it went on for 3 hours. I laughed so much,my stomach was aching by the end of it. 

Itna hasey hum ki sab bhool gaye.

The best part is, this Zoom call is like a day in our summer vacations where we all used to sit in the living room and just laugh, talk and eat.

 Akola - My hometown used to be so hot during summers, sometimes it touched 50 degrees. Almost all my memories from summer vacations are from inside the house in that living room. Ek table thi, jahan hum subha se shaam tak baithe rehte the, khaana aata rehta tha, hum khaate jaate the.

I Miss those days! But that weekly Zoom call is the brighter side to this lockdown for me.

Bhai wo sab toh theek hai ! Par ye personal baatein tu humsey kyun kar raha hai aur blog pe kyun likhe ja raha hai.

Kyunki, aisa ho sakta hai ki aap is dauran bohot down bohot low ho rakhe ho. Aas paas koi bhi cheez motivate nahin kar rahi ho. Aapke dost aapse pareshan ho chukey ho. Aapki family shayad aapse duur ho filhaal. 

Toh agar in sab jagahon pe andhera hogaya ho toh apne andar dhoondh lo bright spot? past mein jaake bachpan mein jaake dhoondh lo bright spot? Nostalgia mein best bright spots hote hain, that's my personal opinion. Aur meri bachpan ki baaton mein kahin na kahin kuch na kuch toh match hua hoga, I am sure. Bataiyega wo kya tha. And Remember

 

"YOU ARE EXTREMELY LUCKY" 🌈

Comment 1 : Bachpan mein main ghar wapis jaane ke liye school ki pant mein susu kar deta tha

Comment 2 : Mere Naak mein ek baar yellow colour ka crayon phass gaya tha

Comment 3 : Main patang ke peechey bhaagte hue daldal mein phass gaya tha

Comment 4 : Colony ke fashion show mein mera wardrobe malfuction ho gaya tha

Comment 5 : Main chalk khaata tha

Comment 6 : (Anonymous) I used to dig my nose and also taste it 🙈

Comment 7 : Ek baar mera saamaan zip mein atak gaya tha 

Comment 8 : My teacher beat me so badly once, unki choodiyan toot gayi. Her name was 9-9 choodiyan Henceforth

Comment 9 : I was Modifried today, but this nostalgia trip made me smile

Comment 10 : Modi is love

Comment 11 : Benedryl pi le , Zukaam ka mausam hai 

Comment 12 : Bhak B#0$@^*__